Friday, October 26, 2012

Arguments

Having been party to two long term relationships, has given me plenty of experience in the art of arguing.  Unfortunately that experience has shown me that I can't do it very well at all.  

The major downfalls for me are that:

 1.  When an argument breaks out--emotions run high and logic runs low (in my experience anyway) and communication breaks down quickly, therefore giving one the perfect opportunity to express one's self in such a way that whomever is at the opposing side of the argument will not understand the point in the least.  

2.  When emotions run high and logic runs low (for all involved)  the lower functions of the brain kick in.  Those being the animal instincts of self preservation, defensive response, and low inhibitions.  So when one is trying their damnedest to make one's case, the other party is at the receiving end of some pretty harsh words and thoughts and criticisms.

3.  Past hurts push through to current times.  Be it from the current relationship or prior baggage, old wounds will be protected the best the arguer can manage.  Usually this baggage can cause skewed viewpoint and causes further misunderstanding between competitors.   eg.  being defensive because of abandonment issues can make an arguer believe that the actions of another person were because of some wish or intention to cause pain even though that person is actually not doing anything of the sort but trying to convey a point and may not be doing so very well because of high emotion and low logic.

It's a vicious cycle.  

Arguments in the heat of emotion are the worst part of my human experience.  There is no defense against it and there is no winning.  There is just hurt, fear, mistrust, and misunderstanding.

When communication breaks down an argument begins.  It's the same with countries at war.  

It's difficult sometimes to take back the ground that is lost when the misunderstanding is still in place.  It's difficult to gain back trust that is lost especially when it's part of a deeper hurt not even related to the disagreement directly.

All that can be done at the end of the day is approach the other in respect and love if you are able.  Try to start again.  Try and try until it's not worth trying anymore.  Even then, try some more.  

Only when both sides are calm, honest, and understood can an argument be truly settled.  

This may take some time, but in most cases completely worth every effort.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Mindless



Advertising in general bothers me.  Mindless advertising, like this Sherwin Williams Paint truck, just makes me tired.  All I can think of is the idiocy of such a statement in an ever growing environmentally conscious society.

How will our children fare when they are adults?  The onslaught of information will be even higher with Google Goggles let alone print ads.  Isn't it difficult enough to be focused on life's daily issues on top of trying to filter useful and useless information?    It has become the duty of parents to teach cynicism to our children so they too can sneer at mindless consumerism.  

Sheesh!

What is the world coming to?  It's hard to tell because it's COVERED IN PAINT!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Simplicity

Daily life is a complicated tangle of events.  Late nights with sick kids.  Drop offs at bus stops and schools.  Run to the bank, run to work, run to the store, run to the gas station, post office, etc.

I have become entangled in a web of constant busyness.

For the majority of my adult life, I've strove to be tidy and simple.  So, naturally, tiny houses, and voluntary simplicity appeal to me.  Lately this has not been so.   My home has become a pile on a pile.  Not so horrible as the depressing slog of inability to clean up after ones self after a tiresome day, week, and month, but the daily jumble of school notices, and mail, and grocery sacks, and dirty laundry, and books, and toys.

Simplicity is just around the corner.  I can hear it snickering as if it's hiding and about to be found.

Needless to say, there will be de-junking and de-cluttering.  Now is the time to do it as the days grow shorter and the outside is let in through open windows.  Now is the time to do it as we are approaching days of family and friend visitation.  Time to get ready for camping, and biking, and outdoor life.

Fall cleaning is just as necessary as spring cleaning.  Not to be trapped with an abundance of clutter during the winter months just makes sense.  It allows for the mind to be de-cluttered as well.  During the holidays that is a valuable asset.  Plus, it makes spring cleaning all the easier.


Saturday, October 20, 2012

Pushing Limits

As a parent of two, I find myself constantly being pushed to my limits of patience, kindness, and love.   The last week has been a test.  My entire family (myself included) has been sick with fever this last week.  My youngest has the amazing ability to scream louder than any human alive and to stay up for days on end with very little sleep.  My oldest is restless and has cabin fever.  My partner is at wit's end.  Nerves are frayed.  Hair has been pulled.  Teeth gnashed.  Tears shed.

On the other end of it, a new understanding of compassion.  I can be pushed to my limits and beyond and know that I can be a compassionate person in the end.  Yes, my jaw hurts from clenching, but instead of focusing on the situation the entire time, I can take a time out and look at my children's smiling eyes, or crying eyes and love them.  I can love my marriage and all the mess, frustration, beauty, and adventure it brings.

All of it is for a reason.  Each person teaches us something new.  Every relationship is important however fleeting or lasting.

To rise to the challenge is to take the next step on life's journey.  Never assume that journey will be a pretty jot down the forest path.  It can take sharp turns and deep plunges.  Ankles will be sprained and mended, discoveries will be made, secrets will be found and kept.

The expectation that there is some "normal" out there is unreasonable.  Normal is a myth.  So is control.

Letting these myths go is the step to starting an authentic experience.

I have understood these truths for a while now, but have only just begun to live them.

It's scary to step out of the "normal" that I once thought existed only to find a far longer path ahead of me than expected.  Far more difficult.  Far  more tedious.

Far more rewarding.


Monday, October 8, 2012

At the Crossroads of Indecision and Indignation

So.  Here I am.  The start of a new blog.  Wondering where to take it.

This isn't my first blog.  It won't be my last.   I'm just not sure how to start here.  Do I share my life story?  Do I post things that interest me?  Am I a news hound?  Am I a parent blogger?  Am I a poet?  Am I an artist?  Do I rage at political nonsense?  Do I walk away from it all?

I have a passion for simplicity, and tiny houses.  I find photography inspiring.  I write often and not at all.  I'm inconsistent in my musings.  I have two children--both take up a great deal of my time and energy (in a good way).

On a regular basis I am angry with how things are run, but constantly feel unable to offer solutions to the problems.

Often--I dream of walking away from it all.  Hitching up a camper to the car and taking the family somewhere else.  Find a fertile place to grow crops and start fresh.  Off grid.  Below radar.  Whatever you may call it.  A real life.  Simple.  Not consumed with attempts to make witty remarks on Facebook or grasping for understanding of  celebrity culture.  Authentic.  Outdoors.  Callused hands, hard muscled, sun-bleached, deep sleep from good work, don't give a damn about the "man", freedom.

Real freedom.  I want a tribe of people that believe the same.  I want a group of people that are willing to raise children together, solve problems together, and live life together.  Trust, valued, equal.

Yes, I am a tribalist.  I am a pagan.  I am a rebel.  I am a parent.  I am a lover.  I am a dreamer.  I am a realist.  I am a hard worker.  I am me.  No one can take that from me.  Or my children.

So, to be at the crossroads of indecision and indignation is a precarious place to be.  I'm on the verge of great anger at society and myself for allowing the grave state that it has become and on the verge of a revolutionary lifestyle.

It's just finding the courage to go there.